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welcome to my life
the doppleganger awaits in each of us
the choice i have to make
PROFILE
the term doppelganger describe me in a certain way as i'm not whom i seem to be, to my friends i bring joy and laughter, to my family some pride but mostly a sense of dispair... to have an alter ego that treat others with respect and how i behave towards certain group of pple is what i'm doing..and i have been doing it for so long that the i dun even know the real me... so i'm lost and basically trying to find which doppelganger i want to be... the gentlemanly person who follows all the rules and becomes a nice but boring person OR a rascal that breaks all the rules and have fun resulting in a peson that nobody likes coz i can be quite an ass...so confusing but thats bascially my life
motive in life
Growing old is inevitable, Growing up is optional...
Someone else pain is someone else happiness...
To love is to know when to let go...
To love someone, u have to give her the best, even if the best isn't u...
Listen to ur heart, ur eyes may trick u, ur brain may be muddle, but ur hearts knows the way...
Death is lighter than a feather, Duty is heavier than a mountain...
song of the month
Artist: Nickelback
Song: Photograph

Look at this photograph,
everytime I do it makes me laugh.
How did our eyes get so red,
and what the hell is on Joey's head.
And this is where I grew up,
I think the present owner fixed it up.
I never knew we ever went without,
the second florr was high for sneaking out.
And this is where I went to school,
most of the time had better things to do.
Criminal record says I broke in twice,
I must have done it half a dozen times.
I wonder if its too late,
should I go back and try to graduate.
Life's better now than it was back then,
if I was them I wouldn't let me in!
Oh oh oh... Oh God I!

Every memory of lookin' out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.
Every memory of walkin' out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.

We used to listen to the radio,
and sing along to every song we'd know.
We said someday we'd find out how it feels,
to sing to more than just the steering wheel.
Kim's the first girl I kissed,

I was so nervous that I nearly missed.
She's had a couple of kids since then,
I haven't seen her since god knows when!
Oh oh oh... Oh God I!

Every memory of lookin' out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.
Every memory of walkin' out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.

I miss that town,
I can't believe it,
So hard to stay,
So hard to leave it.

If I could relive those days,
I know the one thing that would never change.

Every memory of lookin' out the back door,
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.
Every memory of walkin' out the front door,
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for,
It's hard to say it, time to say it,
Good-bye good-bye.

Look at this photograph,
everytime I do it makes me laugh.
Everytime I do it makes me...
pass events
Friday. 2.10.06
Long time since I last blog… been busy with thing, actually jus lazy to write things down and nothing much happening since NS life is repetitive.
But then there were some things that happen last week that I have to write abt jus to make it interesting…

As u all know, last week was Chinese new year, and lo and behold, I had guard duty, while it was fine to be doing guard, after all it was supposedly “regimental”. But then I dun buy it. Why??? Coz I been chosen to do guard 2 times in 2 month, while others have not been chosen… partly I believe that the Sgt is a screw up and becoz I am still consider one of the newest in the battery… another reason why I was quite piss off was becoz I was inform of my guard during the last min and I mean absolute last min… think booking out… and it so happens that me family has holding a party on that sat and my da was flying back to Thailand on Sunday…

Another thing that piss me off before I book out was my stupid superior officer who think he knows so much but cant do shit and I really mean shit!!! What happen was that I had a medical appointment, for those who dun know it was for my G6PD case which was caused by the SAF. Other people who wanted to go for appointment can go, he dun let me go, saying what he need me… wtf I’m only a driver loh!!! I even plan replacement for him, all he had to do was call or set an email and everything will be settle… Noooo the ass had to ask me to change my appointment. SERIOUSLY PISS OFF… I gave him my hp and ask him to call the hospital himself… Asshole really did call… who he think he is, so easy change appointment one ah!!! One bureaucrat against another. After the phone call, he made a call to inform the in charge of my replacement and all was settle. I already settle everything for him, all he did was make a phone call and he made it sounds like he solve my problem for me!!! Hellooo ass hole could have done it earlier!!!!

As for my medical condition, I have been diagnose with gilbert syndrome. What is it???
As defined by internet search…
Haemoglobin is a chemical in the red cells that carries oxygen to the tissues. One of the breakdown products of haemoglobin is called bilirubin. An enzyme called UDB glucuronyl transferase helps the body get rid of bilirubin. Gilbert’s syndrome is a genetic disorder which means that there is a slight deficiency of this enzyme.
When there is less enzyme than normal, levels of bilirubin increase in the blood and the person may notice jaundice (yellowing of the skin and whites of the eyes). This jaundice may become more pronounced when the person is stressed, either physically or mentally. Thus, jaundice may develop when the person becomes ill with an infection or when stressed, for example when taking an exam. Blah blah blah….Patients may report vague abdominal discomfort and general fatigue for which no cause is found. These episodes resolve spontaneously, and no treatment is required except supportive care.

That reminds me I actually had seating tickets for the Chingay preview… yes SEATING seats!!! Unfortunately no one was free and so it was wasted!!!!
Nothing much else to add, jus that I will be flying off to India on the 19th of feb and be back on 23rd of march… jus for ur information since no one will be finding me… sad hor



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...
Tuesday. 1.31.06 8:10 pm
waiting....waiting and waiting still

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confession...
Saturday. 1.14.06
Mixed feeling, jumbled up within my heart, within my mind dun know what to write to express my self

Today is ur anniversary.
And time really flies, its been 5 years since u were gone and 11 since…
I regret how I didn’t spend more time with u
I regret how I didn’t love u as much as u loved me
I regret how I didn’t care for u when u needed me
I regret not spending more time with u when I had the chance
I regret not talking to u when it could make the difference

I know I was selfish, although u were suffering I blame u for many things…
How u were never there for me
How u took occupied my time
How u never gave me the memories of a family

How can I love u when I can’t remember u…
How can I express the deep melancholy within my heart?

The day u went away the first song I heard was this

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

kinda appropriate dun u think?

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new year, good year???
Monday 1.2.06
sigh new year, good year???

how did i spend my new year eve??? in camp...
how did i spend my new year day??? doing guard duty...

i have a feeling that this may not be a good year ahead for me... sighh

kinda feeling moody and down... not only becoz my new year was ruined but also becoz of my posting to the battery line... not used to life as an active solider and partly becoz i dun much like the people there... some are nice, but there are some bullies (dun worry they know better then to bully me)... the people i was posted with to the place also didn't help much, why u asked??? coz i dun like them, both are slacker extrodiare, at least one is trying to change, but the other jus pisses me off...

not gg to make resolutions coz i'll probably break them and its too tiring to think and pretend to keep them..

on top of that, i suspect my phone has some problems, can't recieve msg... in camp it really sucks when u can't comunnicate, but then who do can i communicate with....

at least one gd thing has happen. my sister got a promotion and is now a manager..hehe with this promotion, she can and WILL treat me better!!!! hahaha

doted and loved and i didn't know
blind to devotion
happy to waste
treasure the life
of a man and his hopes

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whats happening
Saturday. 12.24.05
Its been a long time since I blog, and many things have happen… ever since I came back from my oversea exercise in Australia haven’t got the time to get together with my friends, but that’s in the past already… lets talk abt more recent stuff.

My life has jus been screw also, again by the army. I have been posted to the battery line. For those that do not understand it means I have to be a solider again!!! Previously I was jus in a support unit, now I am in the combat unit which is more regimental and discipline. It sucks coz now I’m also without most of my friends which managed to stay in the support unit and is stuck with people who have already bonded and are different vocation from me and dun like us coz we are more slack then them.

My leave for next week has also been canceled coz where I am posted is kinda busy preparing for the trip to India, I foresee that I will be a busy person, with many oversea exercise and NDP to occupy my NSF life.

Then there is my family life. Apparently my aunt and my 2nd sister wants me to talk to my eldest sis abt BGR!!! Hello I’m the youngest leh!!! I have nothing against her being in a relationship and I can’t advise coz I dun know the guy, but what my sis and my aunt dun like and I also is that the guy is a drunkard or so they tell me.

This Xmaz doesn’t feel like Xmaz, dun know why, there is jus no “feeling” in the air, no excitement or festive joy.

Arrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When someone is happy, there must be someone sad,
When someone is sad, there must be someone happy.

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things to ponder abt
Tuesday
Here i am typing, many things have happen during this past week but i cant write it down, its those funny thing that happen, but not funny when u tell it or write it down...

sigh... gg off to aussie tml for exercise, and cant help but feel kinda sad, gg to miss me family and friends... esp my family, cant believe that the though of not talking to them or crapping with them is so, so.... sigh... what can i say NS really make family ties grow stronger at least for those that have those ties there... really cant express me words on how i feel....

see u guys when i come back or msg me on the 25 of Nov, i wil be back by then

on a brighter note.... i think i shld get a promotion*rank* and why shld i ... cause now i'm a "private"... and that would make me "Private Lu" and NOPE no one has called me that YET!!!! hahaha =)

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